Al and The Picky Bitch

Once upon a time there was a girl named Picky who lived in a far away land... She dreamed about ex-Vice Presidents on a semi-regular basis and was very excited to hear that one was coming to her fair city - and best of all, that it was her favourite ex-VP, Albert Gore Jr. When she came to think about it, she actually realised that she had no other favourite ex-Vice Presidents other than him as all the others were either crooks, illiterates or Republicans - and then when she thought about it some more, she realised that they were actually all of those three things pretty much in every case - but back to the story...

Al was coming to speak to her city about a terrible thing called "global warming". Picky has heard about this wretched phenomenon (and had read the book and seen the movie) but knew in her heart that she had to see her sweet ex-VP in person to get the full picture - actually, it was really more of a case of her wanting to exchange a bit of that dreaded CO2 with him - talk about carbon emissions! - but 15 years of marriage to her other sweet prince was gonna kinda sorta put the brakes on that fantasy.

The day arrived for the Climate Change Ball. What to wear? Luckily her fairy godmother, LaVisa (who knew how to take her where she wanted to be), suggested with a little mind-wallet merge trick that she does, to point Picky to the fabled Myer where she found a kicky little number with her name on it (and 30% off just for good measure). Add to the ensemble the snappy shoes referred to in previous posts and Picky was all set for the Ball.

She arrived in a daze, "Where was her VP?" Oh yes, there he was, making sure his Apple was in good working order. Oh how handsome he looked. Yes - he'd gotten a little chunky. And a little grey at the temples. And Picky really didn't understand what it was about Al that made her heart race - it was really that he made her brain race. She loved a smart guy - but not a smart ass. Yes, Picky's Other Sweet Prince was there as well (looking very snazzy in an outfit supplied by his fairy godmother aka Amexia) - he liked smart guys as well. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Then it was time to be seated and listen to boring old white men from evil organisations and corporations talk crap about how they were leading the way in creating, sorry, combatting global warming. And then much to Picky's surprise, the leader of her fair land (state, definitely not country) spoke and impressed upon Picky with his intellect, humour and not to forget - his damn sexy voice. Picky thought, Hmmm - he is a hottie... not in the same league as Al - could be a good substitute though, once Al left town, for her weird politico fantasies.

It was then almost time for the ex-VP to address the masses. But not before a bathroom stop. Was it fate or kismet (or are they the same thing?) that Al had to pass by Picky's table in order to perform his ablutions? Picky thought that it might be further intervention of her fairy godmother, this time in the guise of her friend Boss Lady, who grabbing Al's arm, told the stunned personage that he just had to meet his greatest fan, something that certainly he had never heard before. And then, and then...the first words that Al spoke to Picky, words she would never forget:

"Lovely dress."

"LOVELY DRESS"

HE LIKED MY DRESS! HE LIKED MY DRESS! HE LIKED MY DRESS! HE LIKED MY DRESS!

And then, Picky had her photo taken with Al (and her Sweet Prince) - and all was well.

They all lived happily ever after. Or at least until CO2 emissions hit 600ppm.

Oh Happy Day!!!

So here are the last 24 hours of my life, chronicled...

Things that made this the best day I've had in a long time:

1. Had a fantastic dream about Al Gore. No - not one of those dreams but just as good. We were hanging out together, talking about the state of the world. I told him how proud I was of what he was doing. At one point we were laying on a couch, head to toe, under a blanket (I told you - NOT one of those dreams, people!) just chatting - he told me he had 11 grandchildren (?) and how they were his primary motivation. I asked him flat out how he thought we were going to make out (make out as a planet - sheesh - how many times? It was NOT ONE OF THOSE DREAMS! Damn it) and he had to concede that he just didn't know - which he doesn't. Anyhow, I woke up with a great sense of calm, that maybe things weren't as awful, that there was hope. Nice.
2. Woke up in the morning to hear that although the polls hadn't closed yet in most states in the US, things were looking good for the Democrats. As I'd heard that before (Nov 2000, Nov 2004...), I wasn't putting much stock in it. Vowed I wouldn't look at the news until the polls had closed in California.
3. Had a pleasant morning hanging around the house, doing a little ironing (I know, I know...) - in all, a reasonably relaxed environment. The child was playing nicely and being ultra-cute.
4. Went out with child and my Mum. We did not irritate each other, I did not say anything mean - we had a lovely lunch together. The child was still ultra-adorable. We shopped.
5. Don't you just love when this happens... I'd been looking for a pair of shoes - shoes that would somehow make my Size 10 flippers look dainty and not quite so flipper-like. A hard ask, I know. Just happened to glance into a store that markets to girls, perpetuating the old "lamb dressed as mutton" look and saw a pair of shoes on the sale table that looked just the ticket. They were my size, they had a heel that seemed negotiable (I have a problem with bad knees and gravity) and they miraculously made my huge feet look somehow, I know, I know - dainty and not quite so flipper-like. AND THEY WERE ON SALE!! Reduced from $100 to $80 (not too shabby). But then... but THEN, people - pause for dramatic effect - when I went to pay for them - THEY WERE REDUCED AGAIN - YES! THE OLD '30% OFF THE LAST MARKED PRICE' chestnut! I LOVE it when that happens!!
6. Bought another skirt for a mere $20. AND my Mum (blessed woman) paid for it for me AND used her senior's discount (she doesn't look a day over 50) and so she saved on part of my birthday present and I got a new skirt - winners all 'round!
7. Had to go to the dentist (something that doesn't usually qualify for lists like these) but the end result is that I got my splint (to prevent me grinding my teeth to buggery) to wear at night and I suppose the inconvenience of wearing it is off-set by actually being able to keep my own teeth for a few more years.
8. While shopping, got a call on my mobile phone (and actually caught the call before it went to message bank - so rare an occurrence for me, it's not funny) from my hairdresser. I'd been put on a waiting list (3rd on the list too) to get my hair done (for my conference next week, for dinner with Al) and lo and behold - they'd had 3 cancellations and I could get my hair done THAT AFTERNOON at 5:30pm.
9. The weather was more in keeping with a November day - not blazingly hot and humid - sunny, yes - but also breezy - delightful.
10. Had an encounter with a make-up counter creature (they are not women - don't let anyone tell you that they are) - and managed to survive it with my self-esteem intact, my principles in place and a lip liner that totally matches my current lipstick - SNAPS!
11. Had a delightful haircutting experience with one of my favourite males who is not my husband. Mr G is sweet, funny, straight (and married to the lovely Mrs G who is also gorgeous), shares my political and social views and can make me look like a freaking movie star for AT LEAST five and a half hours at a time. Got a great haircut, some styling tips and even bought some product.
12. Got home to find out that the Democrats had swept the House and could (go recount in VA and MT!) take control of the Senate. The House had its first female Speaker (go Nancy!) and Rick Santorum had been defeated. Hah! I LOVE it when that happens.
13. Went to sleep with the splint and realised it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Slept well knowing that I wasn't cracking my teeth to smithereens while I slept.
14. Woke up this morning (as I woke up at 5am, it comes into the 24 hours since I woke up yesterday) to read online that DONALD RUMSFELD HAS RESIGNED! Glorious, glorious day - I LOVE it when that happens.

Husband is going around the house singing "Beautiful Day" by U2, Child 1 is rousing from sleep, Child 2 who has been up since 5am is cute and gorgeous - and I feel as though the tide has turned. I LOVE it when that happens.

Enjoy your day too!

Spell checking the SpellCheck:
Oh these are beauties:
Santorum: 'sanatorium', 'sanitarium' (those are obvious), but this is one is priceless - 'tantrum'
Rumsfeld: 'misfield', 'misfiled', 'Roosevelt' (hardly!), and the best - 'remorseful' - I can only wish!