Throwing out 50 things...

Just been reading Gail Blanke's Throw Out 50 Things.

Fifty??? I could probably throw out 1 bazillion and 50 and it still might not make a dent in the stuff in my life. However - let's not get all negative before we start as that's a prime example of one of the behaviours I need to throw out: my need to put myself down. Guess what? The emotional stuff - the negative voices, the old scripts one keeps living even though they've been outgrown - they count as things too.

But before I get ahead of myself - and let's face it, most of my humour is based on making some fun of myself so I won't give that up completely because that just wouldn't be fun for anyone - I have actually taken on board what this woman is telling me.

Why her? Why now? Did the planets align? Have I finally kept my New Year's Resolution to "Act Like a Grown-Up"?

Dang it - I think I have.

So - what have I chucked?

[And the killer is that 50 magazines count as ONE THING!!! Oi vey - so it's not as easy as it looks.]

• Old non-stick frying pans that are now stick frying pans - did I somehow think that stray Teflon particles in the atmosphere would find my kitchen and miraculously re-coat my pans??? Out they go.


• Old bakeware - I just had an amazing insight that I don't need chipped Corning Ware baking dishes in 5 different sizes as - guess what? - my mother - Queen of the Baking Dish of Any Size You Desire - LIVES NEXT DOOR. Out they go.


• My non-stick 9" cake tins - I have brand new(-ish) Chicago Metallic cake pans that are MUCH BETTER in my oven and so I don't need those crappy old ones ANY MORE - OUT THEY GO!!!


• Django's Faux Crocs from last summer - and I mean LAST summer as in 2008/09. His feet ain't getting smaller, sunshine. And there's nothing to get sentimental about over skanky pitted rubber shoes. Won't be bronzing those.... out they go.


• My skinny jeans. 'Nuff said. OTG!!!*


• This old navy blue wool coat I dragged home from Alaska that used to belong to my friend Jenee' - she was smart enough not to take it back home to North Carolina - WHY, OH WHY did I think that a coat that was too hot for Raleigh, wouldn't be too hot for Perth, freaking Australia??? It also weighs about 10 kilos so not only have I never worn it, I probably also paid some serious postage to never wear it. Out IT goes...(to be donated to someone with bad circulation 'cause you could LIVE in that coat in the winter - okay, now that's given me a sad 'bag lady' image. But at least she'd be warm.) This is getting bad on so many levels.***


• About 48 kilos of tissue paper. What makes me think that I would ever re-use skanky crushed tissue paper. There's being green and then there's being deluded.


• Old nappies. Unused, you'll be pleased to hear. I cannot be sentimental over a Newborn Baby Love any longer. There weren't millions of them - I'm not a total lunatic - just about 6 total in various sizes. I just really don't know why I was keeping them. In case we all went back in time, I guess. It could happen. It could.


• Books. This is a hard one for me. I love to hang on to books but I must admit that I had a few stinkers that needed to go. Actually I had already taken about 10 to a book exchange and got about $70 in credit for them so that's okay. I'm just not into putting them on eBay and I'm not a swap meet person - it kills me to sell things for 10 cents or a dollar - in a weird way, I'd rather just give it away for free. But the book exchange thing is good - I can do that. Those places don't smell gross like they used to when I was a kid - there's a fine line between Eau de Olde Bookes and Eau de Skanke.
  Funny thing though: when I was sorting my books I came across Cut the Clutter, Peter Walsh's It's All Too Much and Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Big? as well as The Queen of Clean Conquers Clutter. And Simple Steps: 10 Weeks to Getting Control of Your Life: Health, Weight, Home, Spirit . And I say: HUH! Why not them and why Gail Blanke? Is it her engaging wit? She's pretty funny. It is her crazy coiffure? Actually I think I've just figured it out - it's because she reminds me of Nanee Barbara and has that same kick your ass-ness about her coated in love. That's it! She's channeling Nanee. How cool. Nanee though, it has to be said, was probably the biggest pack-rat in the world. Even so, it's something in the way she writes that makes me think of Nanee.


• Magazines. See above. Magazines are magical. I can re-read them over and over and because I have such bad memory retention, they are always new to me. I actually have a theory that the stories change between readings but that's just my kind of crazy. Got rid of a few old IKEA catalogues because I realised I actually own everything in there now.
  [IN AN ASIDE - because I've been known to interrupt myself on occasion - I just bought another bunch of IKEA furniture. I told my friend C that I'd be screwing all weekend and I have. First Micke, who was pretty easy although I got something stuck in him and it took AGES to get it out. Then last night, it was Billy. Wham bang, thank you ma'am. Up he went, nice and erect, in no time at all. And then Billy again today. But this time he was bigger. About twice the size. I still managed to handle him on my own as Sam was out. I put the screws on him and he got himself together and when I put my nails in his back he was done. A bit of IKEA raunch there for my readers' pleasure. Really, it was nothing.]

Okay - so because of the additional IKEA furniture, I've been able to clear through bookcases - and have created some space, both physical as well as mentally. Hence a Picky Bitch posting and everything. See - it does work.

Gotta go now because even though I've cleaned my kitchen - somewhat - that food won't cook itself - damned, stupid food - and I've got to go and apply heat to it and everything.

So - what's my tally? I've also thrown out:

• Video cassettes
• Old shampoos and conditioners - and as a result of cleaning out under the sink, I found the motherlode of NEW shampoo and conditioner bottles - I will not need to buy hair cleaning products until 2012 - and once the end of the world comes, who'll need more, right?
• Skank-fest old toothbrushes - I mean, I use them to clean my tile but only need one at a time - I am not Edward Toothbrushhands, for pete's sake
• Papers - YE OLDE BANKE STATEMENTES from 1873 - on parchment and everything...
• Not one but TWO rusted spring-form pans
• Single socks - 437 single socks
• Random cardboard boxes. The accumulation is because of my kids' penchant for 'making things' out of them. Enough of pandering to their ways!

17 things that I can think of right now.

Not bad.

*Out they go.

***Am getting tired of the whole rousing 'OUT THEY GO' thing so I won't do that anymore - you get the picture.

And in an embarassing PS I also threw out a bunch of 'flours' - about 6 kilos of completely moth and larvae infested flours. Seems as though pantry moths are an equal opportunity insect as they infested the regular flour with as much alacrity as the spelt and rye. In a complete more-lunatic-than-usual-even-for-me lunacy, I purchased all this flour in the weeks prior to going overseas, thinking idiot thoughts that I would have the time to bake some bread. You wouldn't want to eat the bread I would have baked with that flour. Vegetarians wouldn't eat it, that's for sure. Erk. So that makes 18, 19 if you count the moths. 20 if you count the larvae as a separate item.

Have I really been having fun? Is that why the time has flown?

So yes.

We all know.

It's been a while.

Okay - so that bit's over. Don't even really know what to say. Life is pretty good. Work is okay. My kids never listen to anything I say but apart from that total lack of respect, I think they love me.

My husband loves me and I love him. I may not have been able to say that with such certainty a year ago.

We have lost another man in the family and it's almost a year since my Zio Mick died.

I wish I commemorated my Dad's 10th anniversary in a joyful way but I just have to realise that my family is not that way. We don't 'do' celebrations around death.

I had an interesting discussion with my eight-year-old daughter who was in an existential mood, "Mum, why are we here? Why this planet? Is there anyone else out there?"

This 42-year-old would love to have had the answers but I had none. Just more questions.

Nine.

I'm feeling crappy today - it's hot and humid, nobody could sleep in our house last night so we were all wandering around like zombies bumping into each other as we needed more water and to be comforted from bad dreams. I think that in my mind I'm disasterating - if I'm pissing and moaning about the first really hot day of the summer, what's it going to be like when it's 40degrees for weeks on end.

Nice, huh?

It's also the ninth anniversary of my Dad's death and this year, I'm more annoyed than anything. Annoyed that after nine years, there is no excuse for bringing it up and wanting some sympathy - that's all done with. It's a limbo year - not quite ten, too far past five. But it still really sucks and I still really miss him and I still want to talk about him but feel stupid for wanting to. I can get all excited about next year - the BIG TEN - you have an excuse for telling people, "My Dad died TEN YEARS AGO! Can you believe it's been TEN YEARS?" And you get the sympathy and the hugs and there is some allowance for bringing it up because it's TEN YEARS - a nice, neat number. People wouldn't look at you funny for mentioning that.

But nine? Nine is just nine.

I miss you Dad. And you're not coming back. And it still hurts. And I still love you. And I miss you more today than I did nine years ago when it was so raw and painful.

I want to think about you and miss you on all your anniversaries - the 11th, the 17th, the 23rd, the 37th. All those awkward numbers.

Until someone starts mourning me.

a brand new day

We stayed up to watch the Inauguration last night into the wee hours - and thank you J., for all the texts and all the tears - it got a little lonely there at 2am, with S. and I having our little party for two.

It's a lovely feeling to have intellect win over indolence, brains over braindeadedness (if that's not a word, it should be), and other alliterative phrases that I'm too tired to think of right now (a little of that braindeadedness is making itself felt in my noggin today).



So the burning question is not what you can do for your country, but - what the hell is Jon Stewart going to talk about now? Unless we get another Sarah Palin - sweet Jesus, NO! - what has he got to work with?? Surely, I mean, surely he is not going to pick on Obama. I may have to not love him as much if he does that.

[Note to Jon: I will always love you.]



Oh what bittersweet times these are when the Republicans have their tails between their legs and there is nothing to bitch about. I'm hoping for a very uneventful administration so that some hard work can be done and people can pull their heads out of their asses and realise the American Dream needs a little tweaking.



So what was my favourite bit of the whole shebang? Apart from Obama's beautifully stunning oratory? It had to be this guy:




Some are finding the ending of this offensive but criminy, can't we all just be mellow (not just the 'yellows')?

*cringe*

I thought it was a beautiful benediction and a call for tolerance.

With a few racial stereotypes thrown in for 'colour' (see what I did there?).

It's OVER!!!! - UPDATE - I know what a SHAMWOW is now!!!

This is wonderful -

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Barack Obama: Path to the Presidency

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

"This man is charisma, piled on top of gorgeous, wrapped in a sex tortilla and served with two scoops of 'raorrrrrr'!" GO SAMANTHA BEE!!!


...and this is hilarious....roll on tomorrow!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

The Bush Years: Jon's Dubya Impression

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

"Here's what I like about monkeys?..."

UPDATE: I just found out what a ShamWow is by pure chance (thanks, StumbleUpon!).

Check it out:



He sells something else called a SLAP CHOP - Hilarious!

Happy 2009...

To the three people who read this blog... Happy New Year and thanks for your continued love and friendship.

Been having a lot of fun on Facebook lately and am feeling slightly guilty for giving it so much time when my sweet little PB page is so neglected.

Facebook is phenomenal. I really think it's an amazing tool for reconnection. And a lot of crap-sharing. Do people really need to know that I think it's ridiculous that hot cross buns are already on the shelves of the grocery store???

The funny thing is that there are total strangers wanting to join the group I created "Hot Cross Buns should be sold on Good Friday only". What makes people want to join a group like that? What makes people want to let everyone else know that they lost their shoes/are doing the ironing/are going skiiing/baked a pie...? (I'd want to know who baked a pie as long as I lived close enough to get to eat it).

So what happened in 2008? Apart from 'growing up'?

• I visited my beautiful friend J., in Hobart, easily my most favourite place in Australia.
• Saw Rufus TWICE
• Went into marriage therapy
• Went on my first romantic holiday with my husband (see 'marriage therapy')
• Taught myself how to film and edit a short movie
• Cried a lot
• Laughed some
• Reconnected with old friends
• Healed some old wounds
• Picked the scabs off a lot of others to discover they were nice and shiny with scars and not still bleedy (gross, but accurate analogy)
• Said good-bye to my brother's former life formally and welcomed his new one by baking lots of delicious cupcakes with my wonderful friend, C.
• Won a team award at work
• Won an individual award at work
• Made people laugh
• Tried to keep breathing

Goals for 2009:

• To be a better friend to my husband
• To be a better friend to my kids - have more 'Dad' time with them instead of just 'Angry Mum' moments
• To really figure out if I want to move my family to Portland
• To try and get a handle on my financial karma
• To keep staying 'grown up'

That's it for now.

Love yas all!

What a long time between drinks...

I felt compelled this morning to write again after not having written for so long.

It's been an amazing year in that I think I've finally grown up.

Yes - grown up.

This year has taught me that I don't have to cling to the 'me' of the past, that the 'angry me' is not the entirety of me, that I can rejoice in my blessings and the roof won't cave in (although my neck is braced as I write that - old habits...) - that I can be HAPPY. That it's okay to be HAPPY. That while I don't have the right to be happy, that there is no entitlement to be happy, it's still okay to be HAPPY.

I love my life, the crazy goals I set myself, the sense that I can actually do things, that I'm accomplished, that the world is simultaneously fucked up and beautiful, just like me.

An amazing year of looking inside, turning myself inside out and actually liking the result.

Truly blessed.

Truly, truly blessed.

Here I go again...

Okay, so to continue the Adventures of Nadia in Her Year of Going Out, I had quite possibly (and this is a sad revelation in its own way) one of the BEST nights of my LIFE last week.

I took it upon myself to book out a Gold Class Cinema - 34 seats in all - and invited all my girlfriends and female family members - no stinky boys allowed - to go to Mamma Mia! the Movie. What a HOOT! I don't know what was most exhilarating - knowing that I could sing my freakin' HEAD OFF and not get looked at that strangely (as my family and friends are more than aware of my penchant for singing OUT LOUD and in public) or seeing Meryl Streep sing HER head off and not get looked at that strangely - WHO KNEW!! The girl can BELT out a tune along with all her other talents - AND do the splits mid-air AND actually convince me that she could have shagged Pierce Brosnan, Stellan Skargard (with the funny little 'o' thing over the second 'a') AND Colin Firth not only in her 20s but could pretty much manage it at the age of 58. She is just GORgeous!

So how much better could it get??? Being surrounded by friends, drinking wine, eating food (incidentally - don't order the parmesan and rocket salad unless you want parmesan and rocket down your cleavage - it's hardly safe eating POPcorn in the dark without it going everywhere, let alone an actual MEAL), watching Colin - all gorgeous and WET (it should be in his contract that he MUST appear wet in every movie (this one)/TV series (check out 0:55) and commercial



as he looks so very good wet, he really, really does) - and me being able to sing AND dance without censure - it was like the most glorified Karaoke experience of MY LIFE!!!

Go and see the movie (have done, twice so far this week), buy the soundtrack (check!) and enjoy one of the most fun movies of the decade. I've got to say, it even beats singing along to Grease (and co-incidentally, was filmed in Greece - spooky).

PS Even Pierce's crap singing can't cast a pall over the sheer joy of it. Poor love, he did his best. And let's not analyse that if, in fact, Meryl had shagged them 20 years ago, she would have practically been my age - she does look amazingly youthful but I think she could pass for closer to 50, not quite 40 - BUT WHO CARES !!!

Weird dreams...

Okay - so I know that one of the biggest conversation killers starts with this line, "I had the weirdest dream last night..." and you sit there and try not to stifle a yawn while someone proceeds to tell you ALL about their aMAzing dream. And it isn't 'amazing' as you know - it didn't REALLY HAPPEN!!! And it happened in their head, while they were asleep...

But even so.... get ready people, cause I'm about to unload!

Now some of you - okay - all of the three people who read this blog - know of my slightly off-kilter obsession with Duran Duran. 'Obsession' might not be exactly the right word as it's not as though I even listen to their music now all that much - it's more of an obsession with re-capturing the obsession I had with them when I was 15.

So I saw them in concert in November 1983 (good grief) and then again, only 20 years later in December 2003 and then most recently in April. And it was great - every time it was great. Because every time, not only did I experience the concert, but also had some sort of loosely defined 'personal encounter' with them, in that, I saw them outside their hotel, outside the arena of them being a band on stage and more like them just being really famous people trying to get away from me. Although, and R. will back me up on this - the last two times - 2003 and 2008 - we totally did have personal encounters with Nick Rhodes (who was always my favourite even if he's the most effeminate and pretentious). And he was SO NICE!!! Like, 'take time to be with us' nice. Like 'I will make eye-contact with this person and actually respond to their frantic questions' nice. I LOVE the guy because he is one of the few (and I actually have met a few - see previous post) famous people who 'connected' with me. So the short of it is that I still have a deep affection for him that I don't think will ever dissipate in that he is decent to his fans and does not treat them like lepers (Si-MON!) and does not run away from them (Si-MON!).

Wow - that was one heck of a digression, even for me.

So back to the weird dream. Well - you three also know that I have the most amazingly vivid dreams with the most incredible attention to detail. I dream theatrically - and this is not a lie - I even once had a dream with credits... so last night I had this lovely dream where I got to hang out with Nick and Simon (who wasn't a butthead like usual) and it was totally lovely. Weird? Okay, maybe not so much. But just lovely. Lovely in the way that I am totally starting to convince myself that I actually have an alternate life in my dreams where I get to hang out with famous people ALL THE TIME. I dream about famous people ALL THE TIME. I hardly ever dream about my family - I've probably dreamed about Nick Rhodes more than I've dreamt of my own kids and I've definitely dreamed about Al Gore more than my own husband.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

It means that I wake up with the HUGEST smile on my face as I get to be a groupie without any of the guilt. [Okay - I don't have sex with Nick cause he is pure and asexual but I totally would go there with Simon even if in real life he would not look at me.] It's fun and I love it. I get to have these great conversations with famous people I like and it's hilarious. In my dreams, I have kissed Bill Clinton (don't vomit, C. cause if he was as hot in your dreams as he was in mine, you totally would have too!), I've cuddled on a couch with Al Gore while discussing our kids, I sang "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" with Simon Le Bon just last week. One of the stranger celebrity dream encounters I've had was finding Jimmy Barnes in my closet (?). There are countless famous people in my dream states....

So it's fun to go to sleep when you're me. I never know who I'll meet in my head. I love my crazy-ass stupid dreams - MUCH better than those hideous ones where you find yourself at the airport having no idea where your luggage/family/passport is. Of course, if it's me, then most likely I'm travelling First Class with the band....

My new love (Liz Lemon) meets one one of my old loves (Al, Baby).

Dear GOD, I about DIED laughing watching this on my new latest favourite TV show, 30 Rock, and was so happy to find this clip on the NBC website so I could share it. Apparently NBC did have a 'green week' and I'm trying not to be too cynical about it as they are owned by GE, after all. But they are still allowed to make money as long as they make it ethically - now am I being too naive???

[So as I've met Al Gore, does this mean that I'm only two degrees of separation from my new idol, Liz Lemon aka Tina Fey??? Life just gets better every day]

Thanks for the mammaries....

So on 17 April 2008, after approximately 2032 days and nights (give or take the few nights I didn't nurse because S put the babies to bed), I finished nursing my children. A. had, of course, already finished a long time ago, but the other night my dear boy and I decided that 'yum-yum' time was over and that he would now be happy to go to bed after a cup of warm milk, a story and a cuddle.

And he is.

And I am not.

I'd be lying if I said that the night after the 17th, it didn't tear me up a little to see my boy drink his milk, kiss me goodnight and turn over and fall asleep.

I'd be lying if the times he has asked for it again - and he has asked a few times - when I reminded him of our 'deal', that I didn't want to renege and cuddle him close and watch him nurse one last time...

But I'm trying to be strong not for him - because he is not the weak one - but for myself, to keep the deal with myself that I would stop this when it became all about me and not about him. He is ready. I am not. I am learning for the first time, despite being a mother for almost seven years, what it is to mother in a different way. How to tell a story, rub a back, pat a tummy, put a child - my baby - to bed without the comfort of my breast and the warmth of the milk within.

I thank my kids for being willing and enthusiastic recipients of the love I wanted to give them. I thank my breasts for giving those kids all the 'good stuff' and making them strong and smart. I thank myself and honour myself for continuing despite the times of doubt and pain and inconvenience and frustration. I mourn the loss. I loved it almost always and I know I will miss it and miss this time of my time with my babies, my intimate mum-only time. Almost smug in being able to give them what nobody else could. Now I have to find new ways of giving them nourishment and goodness.

So as my breasts head for the floor, my mind is filled with tender and soft memories of quietness, warmth and love.

Thank you to them.

Thank you to me.

Gotta love those little things...

I am so proud of being part of a movement that is finally making moves to inclusion.

It's been a long, long wait...

The Bitch is BACK - again...

It's been so long, mi amigas...

So I thought I'd get back into the swing of the blog by revisiting The List of 2008 and seeing whether I have anything to add to it: original answers are in blue. New answers will be in, ooh, let's see...maybe this colour...

Questions for the New Year

1. In 2008 name one person that you will make the attempt to have a stronger relationship with? My husband. Is this really happening?? I'm trying to be nicer to him, I think we're closer - we're still separated by crazy schedules and kids pitting us one against the other [devious little boogers] but at least I've started to cook for him again...maybe three or four times, so far...
2. In 2008 what is one risk that you promise to take? Couldn't answer this one earlier and it still stumps me - I really am a risk-averse person. We are considering moving to the States - is that considered a risk? I really don't think it is as I don't feel we have that much to lose - except money - but when did that ever stop us?
3. In 2008 what is one aspect of your personality that you will be willing to change to make yourself more likeable? So many to choose from...hmmm...maybe my acid tongue - try to rein it in a little. And my crappy short temper. I have tried to be less crappy-tongued but the temper still needs work - I am trying to not scream at my kids as the first line of attack
4. In 2008, what is one daily ritual that you can commit to? Waking up every morning would be good. Waking up every morning excited would be better. It's amazing that I still can't think of one thing that I would be willing to do every day.
5. In 2008, what song could you choose to represent the year you are going to have and will you download that song after reading these words? [What is this - a plug for iTunes?] Not sure about a theme song - just went through all that in thinking about the past - can't think of one for the future. I am loving Rufus Wainwright and in saying that I suppose it's not embracing a particular song but knowing that I can still fall in love with music - that is representing my year. Can I still fall in love with life?
6. In 2008, who is one civil servant that you will say hello to for the entire year? None of my servants are civil in the least - you just can't get good help these days...not sure about this. The security guy at work comes around every day and I say hello to him, does that count? I'm actually very friendly to people behind counters, wait-staff, etc. so I don't think I have a problem with this - it's the higher-ups (as perceived by society - and me, I must admit) I have a problem with acknowledging. Maybe I should vow to say 'hello' to a rich person every day.
7. In 2008, what is one body of water that you promise yourself you will swim in? The Pacific. So maybe not the Pacific - not at least until we move to the States, but I DID swim in the Southern Ocean already this year, was not expecting that at the start of the year.
8. In 2008, name one person that you will truly thank who rarely gets thanked. I try to thank my Mum for all that she does for me. I don't know if I am thanking her 'truly' as I'm not sure what she wants from me most of the time. Maybe for me to clean my house, which is beyond me for some reason - fragments of passive-aggressive rebellion?
9. In 2008, what is an artistic experience that you promise to have? More experimental photography. I've taken some great photos this year and also vowed to learn to sew come April.
10. In 2008, what is one argument that you will no longer have? I wish I could say it would be the argument my mother and I have constantly over my house, but I don't believe that will ever end.
11. In 2008, what is one thing that you will do to give back to the world or community that you live in?
12. In 2008, what is one thing that you will learn? How to sew.
13. In 2008, what is one thing you will let go of knowing you don't have the power to change it?
14. In 2008, where will your quiet place be?
15. In 2008, name three people you will surprise with a random gift? Well crap - the only three worth giving a gift to are the three people who read this blog so that would hardly be a surprise now, would it???
16. In 2008, what is one thing that you will teach someone else?
17. In 2008, what is one fear that you will overcome?
18. In 2008, what is one food that you will eat more often? No doubt about it - I vow to try to eat more cake.
19. In 2008, what is something wonderful about your personality that you promise to consciously appreciate? I can be pretty funny now and again.
20. In 2008, what will you do that you have always known you had to do? I will start my soup project. THERE - it's on the Internets - it must be true!

Keating! The Musical

Just got back from watching Keating! The Musical and it was brilliant. Very well put together - the portrayals were just razor-sharp (like Keating's tongue, really) and the talent in the show was fantastic. I kinda almost half fell in love with ole Paul there having to remind myself that he wasn't as cute as the lead and certainly probably not as charming. *sigh*

I think I am going to enjoy My Year of Going Out. What a great start... and still to come:

• Meow-Meow (freaky chick that looks like a LOT of fun - thanks, N.!)
• Rufus Wainwright - ooh he's a pretty boy, that one - can't wait, J.!
• DURAN DURAN!!!! (cause I'm hungry like a wolf - RAOR! - thanks, A. and R.!)

That's it so far - would still love to go to k.d lang - we'll see...

But it you get a chance to see Keating! - GO SEE IT! It should be part of every high school history curriculum.

UPDATE!!! Was just googling Rufus Wainwright, who is famous for lots, but mainly his version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" and found this....

I think I've just had my mind made up for me - add her to The List...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

Oh, doesn't it feel good to get rid of clothes and move stuff around and throw things out...I imagine it would if I could actually do that instead of just write about it.

I have filled a huge bag with goods for passing on/donating - finally parting with kids' clothes that I am absurdly sentimental about. It's a start. It's 3:30pm and I am still in my pyjamas so that gives you a clue as to my overall state of being.

I am trying to look at my house with different eyes, eyes that actually see the junk everywhere instead of skim over it. As my husband says (repeatedly), it's easy to tidy up this house (cause it's tiny) but it's hard to keep it tidy (because it's you-guessed-it).

If I were asked which cartoon character I am, it would have to be Pigpen. I so get him.

My God, we could be twins...

And so this is...

Well, didn't 2007 just pass in a blur? January, February, March... here we go again...

What's in store for 2008? Apparently great things for me. I am supposed to be realising a dream, finally putting into play something that I've wished to do for a long time - I have had so many ideas over the years, I'm a little perplexed at realising which one I'm to realise.

Oh, and Happy New Year to you all (all three of you and you know who you are)!

The Picky Bitch is seeking to be kinder and not so picky this year - think that's possible? According to my horoscope, I'm heading to become the next Mother Teresa (but hopefully with a slightly better wardrobe and moisturiser, God bless her) so I feel compelled to be a nicer person. But I don't feel nicer. I think after turning 40 (oooh - for a whole month now) I'm a little saddened at my own inherent meanness. And I'm a little disheartened that this is how I might be for the rest of my life. How do you train the old brain into not automatically thinking nasty thoughts about people. I know I'm the picky bitch, but I don't want to become the mean, old, nasty bitch.

Resolutions? Still thinking them over.

My friend J. sent this email with the following list of questions that we both agreed would take most of the year to complete, let alone play out - it's a duesie of a list.

Questions for the New Year

1. In 2008 name one person that you will make the attempt to have a stronger relationship with? My husband.
2. In 2008 what is one risk that you promise to take?
3. In 2008 what is one aspect of your personality that you will be willing to change to make yourself more likeable? So many to choose from...hmmm...maybe my acid tongue - try to rein it in a little. And my crappy short temper.
4. In 2008, what is one daily ritual that you can commit to? Waking up every morning would be good. Waking up every morning excited would be better.
5. In 2008, what song could you choose to represent the year you are going to have and will you download that song after reading these words? [What is this - a plug for iTunes?] Not sure about a theme song - just went through all that in thinking about the past - can't think of one for the future.
6. In 2008, who is one civil servant that you will say hello to for the entire year? None of my servants are civil in the least - you just can't get good help these days...not sure about this.
7. In 2008, what is one body of water that you promise yourself you will swim in? The Pacific.
8. In 2008, name one person that you will truly thank who rarely gets thanked.
9. In 2008, what is an artistic experience that you promise to have? More experimental photography.
10. In 2008, what is one argument that you will no longer have?
11. In 2008, what is one thing that you will do to give back to the world or community that you live in?
12. In 2008, what is one thing that you will learn?
13. In 2008, what is one thing you will let go of knowing you don't have the power to change it?
14. In 2008, where will your quiet place be?
15. In 2008, name three people you will surprise with a random gift? Well crap - the only three worth giving a gift to are the three people who read this blog so that would hardly be a surprise now, would it???
16. In 2008, what is one thing that you will teach someone else?
17. In 2008, what is one fear that you will overcome?
18. In 2008, what is one food that you will eat more often? No doubt about it - I vow to try to eat more cake.
19. In 2008, what is something wonderful about your personality that you promise to consciously appreciate? I can be pretty funny now and again.
20. In 2008, what will you do that you have always known you had to do? I will start my soup project. THERE - it's on the Internets - it must be true!

Don't say I didn't warn you! It's a good list of questions, but at time of posting, exhausting to contemplate. Check back for answers in the upcoming millenium, could have it completed by 2015.

[The self indulgence continues] Nadia: The Soundtrack Part Two

[For those who came late, read Part One first - see below]

Track 11: "Deeply Dippy" Right Said Fred
Cripes, this is a goddamn chirpy little song! Picture this (Sicily, 1953 - no, not really) - Juneau, Alaska - 1994 - we were sharing a spare family car with my husband's sister and this tape (yes, tape) was in the player - we were hooked. The whole CD is great but this song in particular just stuck in my mind and heart. Funny and cheerful and when the brass section comes in, it's just wonderful stuff. And that guy had a terrific voice - whatever happened to them? [Gotta love those internets]

Track 12: "Skin Deep" The Stranglers
What is it about this song that I love so much? JJ Burnel's compelling voice? The great lyrics "better watch out for the skin deep" - haven't we all met some of those...? The way the song starts simply and ends on this great build-up? "Golden Brown" almost pipped this one out - it's a more beautiful song and I also love its almost Dave Brubeckian rhythm. Love them both actually.

Track 13: "Constant Craving" k.d. lang
One of my favourite singers. This is sheer gorgeousity. I love love love this whole CD - all the songs fit together so beautifully and this song is the most wonderful climactic end to a great ride about love, lust, disappointment and longing. Apart from Drew Barrymore, this is who I would turn gay for. [Sorry, M]

Track 14: "Mambo Italiano" Rosemary Clooney
What's not to love about an Irish-American sweetheart (who also happens to be the lovely George's aunt) singing about 'fisha baccala' and "if you gonna be a square you ain'ta gonna go-a now-a-where'? Love that Lurch-like harpsichord solo in the middle - what a crazy song. Also reminiscing about our swing-dancing days when we used to listen to the wonderful Libby Hammer and her delightfully young and handsome 16 piece Big Band - Hip Mo' Toast. SO many fantasies about being a singer in front of a band like that. Sigh.

Track 15: "The Chauffeur" Duran Duran, as interpreted by Powderfinger
[See - told you I was sneaky] What do I love more? The perverse flamenco reworking of this song or the fact that it's by Powderfinger? I love that Bernard Fanning has never apologised for being a huge Duran Duran fan. I feel in esteemed company. This song is part of a CD called 'Come Undone' - a collection of Duran Duran songs covered by Australian bands and singers. Lots of interesting song/artist pairings.
I first heard this in Brisbane in my friend A.'s car as she picked me up from the airport two days before going to the Duran Duran concert I had flown across the country for. Two days before sneaking through the security gate with my friend, R., and having our photo taken with Nick Rhodes. Sweet, sweet memories...

Track 16: "Get What You Give" New Radicals
This world IS gonna pull through. I hope.
This was the song I would dance to with my unborn baby. It is such an anthem and I still find it inspiring. I had actually burned a CD with this song on continuous loop thinking that I would listen to it while labouring. When it came time, I could barely ask for a glass of water, let alone articulate that I wanted a CD on the player. Listening to it 15 times in a row may have sent me quietly insane anyway. Still love it. A lot.

Track 17: "Going Gone" The Black Eyed Peas (featuring Jack Johnson)
A new addition to my personal favourites. The Peas are just an amazingly musically accomplished band with the most insightful and relevant lyrics (okay - maybe not "My Humps" but, hey). This is a great song that I think is about realising that all the stuff, all the bling is meaningless. Fun, but meaningless. Pretty obvious, I know, but it bears repeating.
Also - does Jack Johnson have one of the loveliest voices ever? He is honey and maple syrup, silk and clean sheets. Yummy.

Track 18: "I Don't Feel Like Dancin'" Scissor Sisters
I defy you to not feel like dancin' to this. I think people in deep coma would be surreptitiously tapping their (mental) toes to this song in defiance of all things medical. Like all great pop tunes - it sticks in your head so that a week later you still have that piano thumping in the old craw. What total fun. What a great world.

Track 19: "Come Undone" Duran Duran, as interpreted by Bachelor Girl
Tricked ya! Yes, another offering from those poster boys for seemingly getting by on a modicum of talent and a bundle of good looks. I think that this song gives great proof that the opposite is true (except the good looking part - they are good looking - esp. Roger - growl!). This is a beautiful song - I love it better than the DD version (hope I don't get burned at the stake for heresy) - Simon Le Bon is whinier than usual in his effort but to give him credit, he did write the lyrics which I think are just wonderful. Bachelor Girl - another band on the whatever happened to...? list - let's check The Google: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor_Girl
Is Wikipedia amazing, or what?

Track 20: "Going Home (Theme from "Local Hero")" Mark Knopfler
This is the song that I imagine will get played at my funeral. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it - I plan to have people heaving with great big dramatic weepy sobs... mmm. How sad.
But on a cheerier note - what a great film - definitely in my Top Ten of My All-Time Favourite Flicks. Great soundtrack. Great dialogue. Going home. Indeed.

Nadia: The Soundtrack Part One

As a party favour/bonbonniere for my dear friends who attended my "Last Day of My 30s Party", I put together the millenial version of the 'mixed tape' - remember those? - and burned a CD with twenty of my favourite songs - all which have a connection to some period in my life.

[My dear friend, S. suggested that I should have called it "Nadia: The Musical" which is just so funny, I can't believe I didn't think of it and she did]

So - just to add another chapter to the Nadia: The Narcissistic Years boxed set, here are the sleeve notes for the CD:

TRACK 1: "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" Nancy Sinatra
My parents owned this 45 (I have since stolen it and actually played it on my brand-new $59.95 record player on Saturday night) and I listened to it constantly as a child. I had NO idea what the lyrics really meant - I just thought Nancy sounded a little mean/a little pissed off and little did I know she would have such an influence on the way I speak to my husband most days. Not that he's "messin' where [he] shouldna been messin'". Love the thrumming bassline and who can resist going ape-shit crazy when she tells those boots to "start walkin'!"

TRACK 2: "Let's Stick Together" Bryan Ferry
From the opening one-note sax riff, this song is three-minutes of solid lust. Remember the film clip with Jerry Hall's slutty little animal-printed sashay through the curtain? Even better - here it is, thanks to youtube:



How did she possibly think sexing it up with Mick Jagger was better than sexing it up with Bryan Ferry - was she really that afraid of becoming Mrs Jerry Ferry? This song is embedded in the ole brain as the song my brother and his friends used to actually dance to. Although maybe 'dancing' is too loose an interpretation of their imitation of the almost non-moving bass player. The thin moustache, the white suit, the sexy slim-hipped Bryan - sigh. Bryan Ferry was my first concert experience in 1976 and I still remember going mad when this song came on - not bad for a nine-year old. (Even if I did miss the two-hour episode of the Return of the Bionic Woman - it was worth it!)

TRACK 3: "Don't Stand So Close to Me" The Police
[I'm starting to detect a very strong sexual subtext in the songs so far - for a 40-year-old virgin I was sure a subliminally sexually-aware kid - who knew?]I just knew that this song was WRONG - it was sexy and WRONG - and made me even more aware that my feelings for my Human Biology teacher were sexy and WRONG. Nothing like a good dose of Catholic guilt to suppress those urges. Sting, whatever you think of him - he is a bit of a pretentious dork, really - does certainly have a way with words and the ole vocal chords do make him one of the most distinctive voices of the era. I still love the song even now that I know who Nabokov is - that was a lightbulb moment!

TRACK 4: "Rio" Duran Duran
Aaaahhhh...Rio...like a birthday or a pretty view...two of a billion stars... you really do mean that much to me, you really do. I think my buddies thought the entire CD would be a playlist of Duran Duran songs (and see below for the sneaky way I snuck them in) but no. There was no need to have more because I am confident in my love for them [even Andy, although he is no longer in the band (thank God)]. No need to overdo the sheer exhilaration of basking in the glow of my boys. They are so "me in the 80s", it's not funny. I vowed that I would never look back on my sixteen-year-old self and laugh in derision and I haven't - I can't. I know it sounds ridiculous, but this band really did give me so much. They gave me friends (met half of them in the queue for tickets), they gave me a world view, they gave me lots of laughs and joy. And they'll continue to do so, because come 6 April, I will be able to laugh and remember and rejoice and revisit that 16-year-old-self and honour that girl.

Track 5: "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" The Smiths
So what happens to a girl who enters teenagerhood loving Duran Duran and leaves loving The Smiths? I remember getting about as rebellious as I got by listening to them on my Walkman in class and having the principal talk to me about anger issues sitting on a bench in the school playgound. I thought "I've fooled you all" because I really wasn't all that miserable, I just loved that someone else could articulate it for me. Morrissey is a brilliant lyricist - his words are funny and biting and true - and he gave another gift to me: Oscar Wilde - I ended up reading everything he wrote and even visited his grave in Paris to pay homage - so that's not all bad.

Track 6: "Vagabond Moon" Robyn Dale Ford
Skip forward a few years to being a newlywed living in a cabin in the middle of Alaska. Ford is a Fairbanksan and I heard her as a support act for Don McLean at the Fairbanks Hockey Stadium (and we think this city has no appropriate concert venues - hah!) I love her plucky heart and her plucky banjo. This CD was also lasered into my brain by my Juneau upstairs neighbours Eric and Kate, who played her seemingly non-stop. Robyn Dale Ford fired up an unlikely love for the banjo which Eric then proceeded to destroy over the 18 months by his incessant practicing of said instrument. The banjo, when played by a master, is actually a beautiful thing. The banjo, when played by an enthusiastic beginner, is not.

Track 7: "Where Do the Children Play? Cat Stevens
This song is all wrapped up in my love for the movie "Harold and Maude" which, if you haven't seen it,... well, I don't even know what to say to you...try and see it. That movie formed what I believe to be my true life-view although I don't always live up to it. It's the life-view I wish I could live. And this song is still so remarkably relevant. I also listened to this CD a LOT when I lived in Alaska. I remember listening to this sitting on my crappy couch in my little one-roomed log cabin and thinking to myself "I am really happy".
A true classic. A beautiful song. Go Yusuf.


Track 8: "Galileo" The Indigo Girls
Again, an Alaskan memory. Must have worn out whatever grooves exist on a CD playing this constantly. And again, it's all angst-y and existential-y and confused about life. Our actions do have repercussions and I hope I'm burning off some negative karma for the next one. And I truly, to quote Queen Julie Andrews "somewhere in my youth or childhood [or last life], I must have done something good" to get such a great life this time 'round.

Track 9: "Beggar on the Street of Love" Jenny Morris
Another early marriage song. Love these lyrics of Paul Kelly's. So plaintive and raw and lovely. I love to sing this song to Sam. He doesn't alway love it though.

Track 10: "Want You Back" Take That
Living in Alaska where the headline act was Don McLean or 'Weird Al' Yankovich, I missed the whole Take That phenomenon. When I heard this song, it must have been a few years old. It made me want to leave my husband just so he would stand under my window, holding up a boombox with this song blaring a la Lloyd Dobbler. I love it - it's so freakin' romantic. Great musical climax, beautiful harmonies and how funny that one of those voices is Robbie Williams.

It's the mid-lfe crisis talking, people...

It really is weird knowing almost to a certainty, given life expectancies and statistics and all that, that I actually only have up to half of my life left. I mean, I could be at 9/10s for all I know (hopefully not) but if I live an average lifespan, this is it. It's half over. Which is simultaneously horrifying and exciting.
Horrifying cause it's half over - and exciting because it's only half over. And I've always said that the first twenty years really don't count because you're learning all the basics - how to talk, walk and do algorithms ("You know what I don't understand?"). So adult life, which is really different to the protoplasm years - 0-19 - is really the start of your "life" so essentially, I may only be a third through my adult life, and when I was paying attention in math class, I did learn that a third is less than a half. So that's good news. And my life has seemed really long so far - in fact, to paraphrase Billy Connolly, it's the longest thing I've ever done - so the possibility that there are 40 more years ahead makes me tired.
But that could also be because I was up until 3am and awoken by a chorus of Happy Birthday accompanied by maraccas and bells by my kids at 7:30am. That could have more to do with it.

WHAT is going on?????

Oh my God!!!

Now I know that my horoscope said that I would be entering into a good and lucky phase but this is freakin' RIDICULOUS!!!

This is what I have gotten for my birthday - and this is only 'so far' as it's NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY YET!!!

• A new Prime Minister - really, Australia - you shouldn't have - but I'm really glad you did.
• [I won't dwell on also being able to witness the total humiliation of the opposing party as I have already detailed that in a previous post and I wouldn't want to dwell on also being able to witness the total humiliation of the opposing party because I already talked about witnessing the total humiliation of the opposing party already in another post and I don't want to dwell...]
• Tickets to Keating! The Musical which will be even sweeter because of the thing I didn't want to dwell on earlier...
• A trip to Melbourne/Hobart to rendezvous with my dearest friend, J. to see one of my favourite singers - Rufus Wainwright.
• My Mum is making my favourite cake for my birthday - Chocolate Prune Torte - YUM YUM YUM!!!
• I'm going to have a fun girly party with my best girl buddies.
• I am also going to have breakfast at my favourite beach-side cafe' with my family and even if it rains, it will even be more perfect as I love the rain and hate the heat.
• An offer from my dear friend N., to go to the Festival event of my choice.

BUT - this is the ICING ON THE CAKE - the CHERRY ON TOP - the CREME DE LA CREME - and other food-related superlatives:

DURAN DURAN IS COMING TO TOWN AND I ALREADY HAVE A TICKET!!!

My cup runneth over, it surely does... I can't breathe - it's all too, too much.

Thank God, and the Universe for showering me with such riches - IN ADDITION to the wonderful family and friends I have - I am truly blessed.